Sunday, September 20, 2009

Nondate-out... Unboyfriend... Breakup?

I was once married to a man that I'm quite sure to this day would take a bullet for me.  Sometimes things in your life break your relationships.  For me, that was my lung transplant.

The good news is, it didn't break me, or him. 

I once dated a man that said that he thought if we broke up I would shrug it off and play some video games.  I loved him, he did not love me.  Play video games I did, shrug it off I did not.

I've been on less than ten dates in the last sixteen months, most have been fodder for blog material, either intentionally or unintentionally.

So forward to last week.  I think, maybe a boy likes me?  Maybe I like a boy?  We make a plan to hang out, maybe a date, a date-out, if you will.  Boy and I both seem happy about it.  The morning of, the boy wants to clarify what it is.  I dunno, what is it?  Boy says he's getting back with ex.  Boy cancels hanging out.  I say, thanks for telling me.  Walk away.

What now?  Ah yes, video games, with shrugging.

I wonder, when is the next time I will maybe like a boy?

Friday, September 4, 2009

Pricks and Falls May Break My Bones, but Headaches Always Hurt Me

Oh dear where do I start!  Today was such a wreck.  Sinus pain woke me up at 3.  I took care of that with a bit of Tobi, only to be plagued by a headache two hours later.  Tylenol somewhat resolves the headache.  I feel thankful that the locker room is closed for maintenance today so I don't have to feel guilty for not going to the gym... only to walk out of the bedroom to find that my animals have ganged up to completely destroy my black prescription sunglasses.  I will add a picture of exhibit A soon.  One whole lens was popped out and chewed up as if it were rawhide.  The ends of the glasses that wrap around my ears, that my dear Suzanne spent so much time sculpting with hot sand so they would fit me perfectly, completely chewed off to reveal a thin sharp metal frame.  The hinges bent beyond repair.  The frame around the missing edge gnarled.  Unbelievable.  Perhaps this is the message I needed to not feel that I'd totally splurged to replace my OLD prescription sunglass lenses with my new prescription.

I can imagine how this happened.  The little one, Mishka, was probably employed by her dog and cat siblings to jump to the table in the entrance area where my sunglasses and keys sit.  All items properly knocked to the floor, then the others began their assault on my Nine West perfect black prescription sunglasses.  The horror!

I managed to bring myself out of the combined rage and exhaustion in order to get to work.  One amusing thing happened that was delightful.  A girl, in an attempt to bring her bike down the front porch steps of her Rutledge Avenue rented home, bit it.  Both her and the bike hit the curb.  She was not hurt, except for her pride, so it was quite amusing.  She seemed rather clumsy, and nearly fell over again while attempting to right her bike.  The important thing was, she didn't spill her coffee, safely carried in her special no-spill coffee container.  Good thinking.

Arriving at work, I find that my boss, B^Yuppie, has killed his computer.  I heard the sounds of the dying MAC over and over, which reminds me of the sounds my PlayStation makes when starting up.  RIP MAC.

The IT guy, C^Techy, spent the day operating on the dead MAC.  He also spent the time trying to convince me to try play the open beta of Aion.  He finally convinces me to end the self-imposed anti-gaming phase I've been on for a good while.  I get home and attempt to download the client, and when my computer says it will take 9 DAYS, I decide that is a sign from God.  I am trying to believe it is a sign from God that I should not be playing any cool MMORPG's, rather than a sign that I need to upgrade my slow ass old Windows box.  NOOO.  I guess I should stick to ROTS.  MUDS rule biatches.

During lunch I saw a sweet racing yellow Lotus Elise just like this one, except a hard top.  I don't know that much about cars, so don't spam me about the Americanized version :) ( not that I'm in any danger of my barely read blog being a source of controversy)

I have a brief despicable idea to hang around and meet whoever is driving it.  With my luck, it would be a woman.  In any case, the [wo]man driving it is probably a prick, or has a small prick, either way it just wouldn't do, now would it?  He/she was parked in a handicapped parking spot without a decal, surely a sign.  Although, I suppose being a prick with a small prick is totally a disability.  I should be more sensitive, it's one of my character flaws.

My lunch was complete crap.  I used to really like the Chicken Alfredo and Chicken Montreal that is offered in the A la carte area of our MUSC cafeteria.  Namely because it comes with so much cheese.  Nothing with that much cheese can be wrong.  However, I've given up.  The last two times I've purchased this once favorite, the "chicken" has been disgusting, a truly awful looking nasty tasting foul (haha) rubbery clumps of gross.  So, no more.  I attempted to salvage the cheese and tossed the rest.

By this hour my headache had again become unmanageable.  I waited the appropriate eight hours before taking two more Tylenol Extra Strength so that I don't become one of the lame-o's that busts their livers up taking too much acetaminophen.  For fucks sake my liver is all I have left!  Gone are the days where I can abuse ibuprofen.  Oh so do I miss those days.

So, to go about diagnosing the top of the head headache.  It is one of two things.  1)  Tension, highly probable.  CoEE stuff is crazy and being one of the only people in the state that understands it is trying.  But, more likely given my new exercises, the problem is dehydration.  Apparently when I get dehydrated, as shown in an MRI a few years ago, the fluid around my brain thickens up and squeezes my little brain like a clamp.  This is of course a very unscientific description.  For further information, read about dehydration and CFS, CVP, and IVP.  I guess I should drink more fluids.

Luckily the headache resolved.

I'll write about my swimming and the gym later.  I did it.  Yay.  The drag suit is completely too huge.  I'm blaming it for the excessive slowness, because that is easier to admit than I'm just a total blob of inactivity with no more muscle tone.  Never mind the fact that I could barely lift my arms in order to wash my hair and that today squatting down to sit on a toilet was quite a chore.  What is funny is the looks of the other people who were at the pool thinking I must be the most modest person ever to have two suits on, and perhaps that I'd recently lost a bunch of weight since the bigger one was just hanging off of me.

Now that is something that sucks about being on prednisone.  I hate how fat it makes my face.  I was looking in the mirror at the gym, and my legs looks pretty skinny despite my idea that I have these huge hips.  But, since I usually look at myself from the face down, and most of my pictures are of my pudge-a-liscous face, I feel huge.  I know it's not right, I'm just saying.  At least I'm not 95 lbs with a face so big that it looks like a balloon that could pop off any fly away anymore.  :)

Wednesday, September 2, 2009

Plan for tomorrow

Alright here we go, the plan for tomorrow.


  • Shoulder Press:  30 lbs x 2 sets x B reps
  • Bench Press:  30 lbs x 2 sets x B reps (I know this isn't the bar.  I'm going to have to give myself some help here I think for the first day)
  • Lat Raise:  25 lbs x 2 sets x B reps
  • Lat Pulldown:  45 lbs x 2 sets x 10+ reps
  • Dumbbell Curls:  10 lbs x 2 sets x B reps
  • Dumbbell Squats:  5 lbs x 2 sets x B reps


  • Allabs:  15 reps x 5 sets
  • Thrusters:  15 reps x 5 sets
  • Standard Leg Lifts:  15 seconds x 5 sets
  • Supermans:  15 reps x 5 sets

Swimming (very very light workout):

  • 2 x 50 m Freestyle, rest 15 seconds between 50s  *get updated stoke count
  • 2 x 100 m Freestyle, kick last lap, rest 20 seconds between 100s * get updated 100 m time trial
  • 8 x 25 m Freestyle, alternate easy 25/hard 25, rest 10 seconds between 25s
  • 4 x 50 m Freestyle Catchup drill, rest 20 seconds between 50s
  • 2 x 50 m Freestyle easy, rest 15 seconds between 50s

I believe this will take me 75 minutes.  Plus time for shower, dry hair, dress say 30 minutes.  Planned arrival time for gym:  7:00.  Get up time, 6:00.  That should do it.

I'm off to get my stuff ready for tomorrow.  Yikes!  And I'm so tired.  Hopefully my sleep will improve will all of this exercising.

New Swimsuits Have Arrived!

I received notification today that my new Speedo suits had arrived.  I couldn't wait to go home.  The order is correct.  I'm a little worried about the 38.  It's a lot bigger than me.  But, it will make a great drag suit.  Lots of water will get stuck in it for sure.  It is still cute.  I probably should have bought a 34 and 36, but I'll keep it.

I did have a fail today on the way to the gym.  I realized when I'd driven half way that I'd forgotten my perfectly set out work clothes at home.  So, I had to turn around and go back, and start again.  Well, at least I didn't realize that at the end, which has also happened in the past.

The workout itself went about as I expected.

  • Leg Press 90 lbs x 16 reps x 2 sets --> must increase weight
  • Leg Extension 35 lbs x 12 reps x 2 sets --. I will leave this the same for next time
  • Leg Curl 35 lbs x 16 first set, 35 lbs x 12 second set --> Increase to 40 lbs for next time
  • Rows 30 lbs x 10 first set, 40 lbs x 10 second set --> Use 40 lbs next time
  • Push ups 10 x 2 sets --> These were of poor structure, so I'll do the same amount next time
  • Standard Leg Lifts 15 seconds x 5 sets --> doing 20 sets of these or any abs was totally unrealistic
  • Supermans 15 seconds x 5 sets
  • Scissors 15 reps x 5 sets
  • Thrusters --> I skipped these!

Overall I'm pretty happy with this first workout day.  I completed the main goal of getting up and getting to the gym, and working out.  I even did nearly everything on my list.  My abs are weak now and that makes me sad, but they will come back quickly.

So now I will prepare tomorrow mornings weight training + swimming workout and post it later tonight!

Today when I was at the gym one of the employees had a shirt on that said,
"Training is the opposite of hoping."
 I really liked that shirt.

I'm up and showered

Ready to head to the gym.  Whoohoo.  Animals fed, must still walk M^Barbie.

Taking my morning stats now.
Weight:  114 lbs
Temp:  98.6 F
BP:  107/79
Pulse:  123
BG:  115

Ok, healthy so far.  Off to the gym!

Tuesday, September 1, 2009

Back in the Gym!

Alright!  Let the procrastination end!  I spoke to a friend, R^Callous, and he said I need to start going to the gym right now.  Which, I already knew.  No waiting for the swim suits to arrive.  Tomorrow starts the pre-work gym routine.  Must be strong for the 2010 US Transplant Games!

So, night time planning phase speed revs up one gear.  Tonight, do laundry and set aside both workout clothes to wear to the gym tomorrow morning, and all items to dress for work.  Check it twice.  Dress, two types undergarments (I'll leave those to your imagination), work shoes!  Workout clothes are easier because I put them on before I leave the house.  Deodorant (unless going for a goal of being left alone all day)!  For some reason I often forget things like my socks.  Weird.

Now, planning the gym workout.  I get out my book, which has been sitting, sadly waiting for me to pick it back up again.  What day will it be?  Legs and Lats day.  Working out, being a gym addict in a former life, is a very detailed process.  I will pick my exercises, and look back at my book to see where I should start weight-wise.  Now, lifting for swimming is about endurance, not so much strength.  So, lower weight higher reps.  Must be disciplined!  I cannot go to the gym with no idea what to do or how much to do of it.  Then I will look dumb.  Here it is the plan for tomorrow:

  • Leg Press (picked over squats because I'm feeling wimpy):  90lbs x 14 x 2 sets  this seems like the right weight to start at based on my records.  Maybe too light but we'll see how sore I am afterward.
  • Leg Extension:  35 lbs x 14 x 2 sets  Why do these burn so much?  
  • Leg Curl:  35 lbs x 14 x 2 sets  To keep them the same as Leg Extension
  • Lat Pull down:  45lbs x 14 x 2 sets  It seems like I wasn't finishing whole sets at 50lbs
  • Rows:  25lbs x 14 x 2 sets.  I'm not sure about this one, it looks like I wasn't increasing fast enough on these and I was always increasing.  So, let's see how it goes.
  • Push-ups:  10 x 2 sets
And the most important, 4 ab exercises, keeping in mind that I'm not allowed to do sit-ups or crunches or anything at involves crossing over my body all due to my osteoporosis.  So:
  • Standard Leg Lifts:  15 seconds x 20
  • Supermans:  15 seconds x 20
  • Scissors:  15 seconds x 20
  • Thrusters:  15 seconds x 20 (now these are kinda naughty looking)

I can't seem to find my stopwatch, and I don't see one on my blackberry.  I'm looking for one to download to it, my counts get pretty quick after a bit.  Any ideas?

This year I hope to really get my upper body strength back up.  After transplant it really declines because the sternum wires restrict you to lifting a maximum of five lbs for a while.  Since going into transplant you aren't exactly pumping iron and afterward you are concentrated on aerobic exercises, the upper body strength really suffers, not to mention I'm a female and it's not exactly our strongest quality.  Beyond that I was always a bit afraid that I'd drop a bar on my Port.

I'm [slightly] sorry that I can't run or walk anymore.  I have a something on my spleen that is growing and it is irritated by the pounding of my feet on the ground.  I figure the swimming is going to cover it, but truthfully, I had the most growth of lung capacity during the period I was running.  Oh well, can't risk hurting my spleen.  I don't want it to break.

Now my book is all set for tomorrow.  And my wake-up call is coming to ensure I get out of bed.  The clothes are in the dryer.

I realize that this blog post is kind-of boring.  But, what the heck.  Life is sometimes boring, yo!

Monday, August 31, 2009

More Prep Time for 2010 US Transplant Games

I did two things today critical for the US Transplant Games preparation.  First, I asked my boss, B^Yuppie, if I can have the time off next year for the Games.  This is important because it is during the most busy time of my work year, and 1) I don't want it to be a surprise and 2) I don't really want to bust my ass doing all of this training if in the end I can't go.  Second, I RSVP's for the first Charleston meeting of the Games to take place in September at the LifePoint annex.

I was notified by email that my suits that I bought yesterday have been shipped.  Most exciting news!

So, pictures, this is the Speedo Pink Spacey Daisy Endurance+ that I ordered in size 38

And this is the Speedo Pink Digital Rock Endurance + that I ordered in size 36.
These suits also come with matching caps, which I may allow myself to splurge on later.
My plan is to go in the morning and lift weights first, and then finish in the pool before lugging off to work.  This I found out is the more motivating plan because I can get warm first in the gym before having to plunge my already cold self into the pool first thing.  I found that this plan works better for getting up.  I'm not much of a morning person anymore, and unfortunately either is my dog, M^Barbie.  So, no counting on her help to get up and at 'em in the early morning.  She has a tendency to pretend she's dead if I try to make her get up before 7.  Sorry doggie.
Now for a flashback.  The Transplant Games are really amazing.  I don't think I've been so inspired very often in my life.  I would encourage all transplant recipients, donor families, and living donor families to go to the Games, even if you are up not up to competing (competition is only available for recipients).  However, there are so many different kinds of events that I would be open-minded and at least give them a look.
You can find the 2008 swimming results posted here.  You can find my name third in 100 meter I.M., women age 30-39, third in the 50 meter freestyle, women age 30-39, and first in the 50 meter butterfly, women age 30-39.
I'd like to take a special look at the third event, not just because I won it (but isn't that great!), but also because all three of these women are Cystic Fibrosis Lung Transplant recipients aged 30-39.  What an accomplishment!  Unbelievable, really, remarkable.  Here is our picture.

I was especially humbled and glad to meet and swim against both Anabel Stenzel and her twin sister Isabel Stenzel Byrnes.  Please visit their website and consider purchasing their book!

My sister, CysticGal, also took three very short videos, but she didn't get the butterfly since that was on the third day, after she had to leave:

Are you getting excited yet?

Please note that I have stolen my sister's method of changing names to protect the innocent.
Also, I may need a volunteer photographer and videographer to record this journey for me!

Sunday, August 30, 2009

The Beginning, Again aka The 2010 Games Kick-Off Post

I've struggled with the idea of starting up writing again, but couldn't find a topic that I could sustain a long-term blog relationship with. Well, I've found it!
You may or may not know that in the 2008 US Transplant Games, that took place in July 2008 in Pittsburg, I represented Team South Carolina and won two bronze medals, and one gold medal, in 50 freestyle, 100 IM, and 50 butterfly, respectfully.
That time I started training in July 2007 and did very well, but in December 2007 I got Infectious Mononucleosis and my training was severely detered until May 2008. Still, I won three medals.
Since then I've gained some weight, or maybe a lot of weight, and don't fit into my size 32 Speedo suits very well. So, tonight, in an effort to stop procrastinating, I've purchased my two new suits. One is size 38, the bigger "drag" suit. The other is size 36, the smaller suit. Perhaps by the time I'm done I'll be fitting into the 32s again and not manage to cut off the circulation to my limbs.
These are pictures of my new suits. I bought the pink Spacey Daisy Axcel Back Endurance + as the size 38 drag suit. For those that don't know, "drag" suit is not a suit I wear in order to dress in "drag" but instead a suit that you wear over your other suit while practicing in order to add weight and extra pull in practice.
I also bought the pink Digital Rock Splash Back Endurance+ in size 36, as my normal fitting suit.
I came up with a strategy in 2008 that I would swim the 100 butterfly, 50 butterfly, and 100 I.M. I specialize in butterfly, and there is less competition in there. I'm hoping that some of my friends from 2008 games will return.
So, I must begin training again straight away! Wish me luck!

Wednesday, April 1, 2009

What We Learned On Our Cruise Part II

1) I do look like trouble, and Beth looks like an angel. Also, little old ladies can be mean to me, and they don't like my cowboy hat. Men do like my cowboy hat. I think the little old ladies are jealous.

2) Only Beth gets compliments like "Princess", "Lovely Lady", etc. Then they say something to her like, "oh looks like you brought trouble back for dinner" (referring to me). I have not yet decided what to make of this, but I can tell you it has been going on our whole lives.

3) I already had a theory that two breakfasts were needed to sustain my troublesome activities. The cruise proved that theory. We need a warm-up breakfast, second breakfast, and to be planning the next day's two breakfasts at all times.

4) The only thing that Beth does in her sleep is kick people. She's always done that. I am able to lots of things, as I have way more practice being productive while also sleeping. Warning: If you plan to get heat stoke and you think my sleep walking butt will save you, you are wrong. I will probably just growl at you like a mean bear.

5) Asian women who give massages on cruises are appalled at the lack of water in my diet. They do not feel that a diet of breakfast and Mountain Dew is adequate.

6) I still regret teaching Beth about roulette. She spanked me the second night and I had no money left. I think I should have taken her to the Unicorn game.

7) When your little sister looks really cute and wants to play the Unicorn slot machine even though it's total bogus, do not do it. I think it was really just a ploy to eat up the 300% winnings I had after my first night at roulette.

8) Seeing cruise commercials about the Yellow Bird boat inspires you to make videos about how you've never drank so much rum punch in your whole life. The video also makes you think lots of drunk baby boomers are riding the Yellow Bird boat and dancing like Elaine Benes. That has some potential. Then, while waiting for your wonderful beach getaway, you see that the real Yellow Bird occupants are really drunk men with hairy bellies with balloon animals shaped like penises on their heads. I think the Yellow Bird boat is a bad idea, personally.

9) A rum cake is indeed covered completely and soaked in rum. It is also air packaged so tight that you might injure yourself while attempting to open the package. Let this be a warning to you.

10) It was very tempting to see how long Beth and I could live on the Nassau beach. But, we felt bad for the sting rays and I think we would have freed them. Sting Rays don't want people touching them!

11) Spring Breakers and Cougars by the pool are not a good combination. We definitely saw a lot of butts, or maybe we just saw a couple and that was enough.

12) Sometimes there will be a belly flop competition. It is run by the cruise director and a gay guy. I'm still not sure how the winner of the belly flop competition fits into his room, or his bathroom. He must have had a bigger room than we did.

13) Cougars on cruises with lots of bling are very strange indeed. They seemed to be seeking eligible males. If there had been any eligible males, Beth and I would have snatched them up. Bling or no.

14) I wish the cruise would have been a couple nights longer so we could properly investigate the two families we thought were polygamists. Who wants to wear those Little House on the Prairie dresses on a cruise ship?

15) When borrowing a suitcase from your parents for your cruise, search all of the pockets carefully, so that upon re-entry to the country you are not accused of trying to smuggle in coffee.

16) We noticed that a number of younger couples frequently looked kinda miserable on their cruise. The older couples looked very happy. This is because by the time you are an old couple, you know better than to attempt to make your wife sit indoors at a cruise ship bar and watch basketball, for instance.

The biggest lesson, always take a cruise with your sister. Take one every year. It's the best!

Monday, March 2, 2009

Project Cruise Hotness continued

We definitely need a hotness update, since I was side-tracked by dates and Snuggies.

I seem to have made an error in my application of sunless tanning lotion. Please note, if you use sunless tanning lotion, do not forget your butt. I was checking out the progress and happened to turn around, and my Casper ass was just glowing white as if there was a black light around. I hope that this is now going to be remedied. Although I do plan to always be wearing a bathing suit on the cruise, I think this was a huge oversight. I was trying to think of a good name for this situation of white butt. Something like farmer's tan, but I haven't yet come up with one. Diaper tan, perhaps? Plumber tan would be the opposite of my situation.

Next, a special hotness addition, hotness with CF. Both Beth and I called our doctors today to make plans for blood tests. Any kind of blood work that would possibly cause a lack of hotness must be resolved. For example, for the last week or so my ankles have been swollen. This is one of the most NOTHOT things that I can think of. Your ankles cannot be as big as say, your neck. So, hopefully I'll take care of that tomorrow.

My new exercises are working so well! Now before anyone protests, you must learn a new word. It is skinny-fat. I learned this from my ex-husband the Marine. A skinny-fat is a person that is skinny all over, but has no muscle tone whatsoever. Think of a guy, I'm sure every work has one, with a short-sleeve button up shirt and these skinny arms sticking out with no muscles. The arms are usually pale, also. These arms are thin, for sure, but in no way are hot. I'm sure you know a person like this. Now, I'm not saying it's gone that far, but definitely some toning was in order.

Today I pulled out my bikinis and put them on. The one I bought last year and hardly ever wore still is way hot. Yay! Unfortunately, or perhaps fortunately?, my boobs no longer fit into the bikini that Jana gave me two years ago. They look all smashed in there. Maybe they are supposed to look like that? See, I don't even know. But, I think it's too small. The bottom is so cute though. What to do, what to do?

Since I cut off all my nails the other week, they have to grow back. I think they will be the perfect length by the 20th. So, I will probably have another manicure, since Beth insists. I liked it, I did!

I was looking at my hair and I think it's just right. No highlights needed. Of course, Beth refers to it as brown since it's not as light as hers is anymore. She will just get to have lighter hair than me. I will try to gain points in another area.

Stay tuned for more updates on the color of my butt and other such interesting things.


Sunday, March 1, 2009

Confessions of a Snuggie Wearer

Today I discovered that at least one of my friends does not know about Snuggies. So first, the Snuggie infomercial:

Now, does this make you nervous? It still makes me feel weird. Snuggie seems so strange. When I see this commercial I, too, think, "What dork would wear that? OMG how dumb! What kind of loser would wear it to a sports function?" This is a common theme! You are not alone! Please see the following video for reference:

Please notice the stealth fashion in which the book light operates! It opens up like a cobra, so sleek and smooth! I literally opened it 65 times the first day!

So, how did I come about to own a Snuggie? My Dad! He was moved by this commercial, and searched out two rare Snuggies for his two best daughters, me and Beth! He thought about how cold we always are, how frustrated we felt by the normal use of blankets and the struggle to eat and blog and hold our kitties with them! Surely our life would be enhanced by Snuggie ownership!

At first I was confused and scared by this strange gift. Would some paparazzi obsessed with my blogs snap a picture of me and ruin my image? Would the Google Earth post a picture of me in a Snuggie? My hotness image would be ruined!One day I put my Snuggie on. I'm now a changed woman. Too cold no more! Hands and arms free to do what I please! The Snuggie also provides plenty of room in the case that I gain nearly 100 lbs! My life is so much better I'm almost unrecognizable! Just like the commercials, I always smile in my Snuggie. My body actually prohibits me from being able to read a book without it. I have adapted to Snuggie use.

Sometimes I must alter the Snuggie ever so slightly. In order to walk around the house in Snuggie without tripping and falling on my arse - "I've fallen, and I can't get up!" - I have added a stylish belt. This provides a more mobile Snuggie, and also the added benefit of looking like a monk. I've also found it useful for image purposes while practicing witchcraft. The belted Snuggie also adds the precious back coverage.

This is especially important for escaping the hospital gown, ass hanging out look. Speaking of hospital gowns, I believe they should all be converted to Snuggies. So much warmer! So much softer! Easier to rip off in the case of an emergency heart attack situation.

Speaking of ripping it off? Where does that YouTube parity get off saying it will ruin your sex life? Surely anything so easily removed would be beneficial.

The Snuggie is so cool that Snuggie Pub Crawls are planned across the nation:

Thanks to Eugene, I know about the Snugglette! Boy I sure wish that pretty pink color came in the adult sizes!

I can't wait to have a whole family of my own so we can all wear our Snuggie/Snugglettes with pride!

So many people love the Snuggie that there are people actually bootlegging the pattern! How outrageous!

In closing, I will sing my new awesome song, to the tune of the old 80's toy, My Buddy:

My Snuggie, My Snuggie, Wherever I go, she goes! ... My Snuggie and Me!


When hotness strikes...

Alright, time to report on the date tonight. I think it was definitely a date, and that fact alone allows me to report it with the fair and balanced coverage I give to all of my dates in the last 10 months. Never mind that there have been only about 10...

So, first thing, we go to a movie. We went to see The Wrestler. I liked it. I have one residual question if anyone can answer it: Does Mickey Rourke actually have a heart or lung condition, or did they use some kind of makeup artist to portray his clubbing fingers in the movie? I find that to be a wonderful touch, since they usually miss such important details in a movie.

Ok back to the business at hand. We went to the movie. I liked it. But, I find it really annoying when people talk to me during a movie. And, the date did. I'm not saying I never make a sound at a movie, but commenting on each thing kind of drove me crazy.

So then he says he wants to stop by a birthday party for one of his friend's brothers. I say ok. We go to this little biker shop where there are a bunch of rednecks drinking and smoking. I mean like 90% of the people are smoking. Okay, that was not so bad. I'd met a couple of the friends the other night, they were all good guys. So, then there was a piƱata. It is shaped like a shoe, a stripper shoe is the best I can describe it. The birthday man hits it for a bit and it breaks and lots of sex things fall out. Sex things like flavored lube, magazines, um.. toys. Now, I'm saying, if these were all my friends this would be cool, but this is a first date with a girl that doesn't know anyone else.

So next we go to King Street Grill and have food. I like food. Now he starts talking. It becomes apparent that he must have some type of psychological problem. I can't really put my finger on what it is. So, I tell him he has to stop texting me. I tell him if he wants to talk to me he has to call me on the phone like a real person. He took that pretty well I guess. Anyway, in between his unorganized rants, he just tells random off-color jokes. He told about seven jokes in a row. They were not original commentary about funny things, they were just rehearsed jokes that covered all of the usual offensive subjects. He asked me if I know any jokes. I do not store jokes in my brain like trivia. He thought that was weird. I, in turn, thought it was weird that he believed a good conversation comprised of a smattering of poorly timed off-color jokes. It's all about the timing.

Clearly the timing was off on this whole night.

Anyway, I'm glad to say that I arrived home all in one piece. I promptly put on my Snuggie. Snuggie makes you feel better after a weirdo date. Snuggie + KittyBear + odd blog = perfect night, at least that's my story.

Lesson to be learned - increased hotness may increase quantity of dates, but quality remains the same.

Once again I hope all of my loyal readers are entertained by my daily experiences. No firemen were hurt by this date. All characters are real but the names have been withheld to protect the guilty parties.

Wednesday, February 25, 2009

This is awesome, uh, hotness continued, sorta

So tonight, I went to Red Drum to experience Cougar Night. Now, apparently this is a secret, even though I was all on the radio and everything. It's totally Cougar night at Red Drum on Wednesday. I've always wanted to go. It's a social opportunity that is completely remarkable.

At first I was not impressed. I even asked the bartender, "Where are the cougars?" He acted like he didn't even know what I was talking about. Okay, a cougar fan.

But then, around 9, the cougars started arriving. By this time I was into maybe my 4th Guinness. Now, I don't think these were real pints. They maybe were 12 oz. Anyway, I saw the cougar in action. Now, I'm in a weird situation. I'm definitely too young to be a cougar. But, I'm too old to be like 20ish.

Let me describe the cougar. 40ish. Boobs out, all over the place boobs. Bleach blond hair. It reminded me why for two years I colored my hair red. Seriously, if you are going to dye your hair blond, put some cash into it. The bottle blond is so 80's. Blah. Anyway, suddenly I'm surrounded by bleach blond, old bimbos drinking wine or some other lame-o drink. And, of course, with the boobs all over. I am in my usual work outfit, dress pants and a conservative sweater, no makeup, no boobs. Many cougars start closing their tabs, clearly disappointed they had to pay for a couple of their own drinks. Ha ha. Suddenly I wish I could read the minds of people I didn't know very well. I think it would have been hilarious.

I meet a fireman or three, from IOP. I don't date fireman. Sorry, fire professional friends, but it's just a bad idea. Anyway, I gave one my number. I don't remember his name, but I put him in my blackberry as "Fireman I don't remember his name". He seemed nice enough. He thought I was hilarious. That's a good sign, because I have sort of a mean, strange sense of humor. Not to mention, the more Guinness I drink, the more inappropriate things I seem to say. Anyway, what I told him was, I would never call him. Maybe if we dated about three months I'd call him. I'm serious.

Well, let me get to the point. I think project cruise hotness is working, because even in my inebriated state, I could tell that I had way more assets than any cougar even with no makeup and no boobs showing. Yay!

My friend from work, Robyn, was my invitee to the Red Drum. I hope she has fun and also that she gets home alright. I tried to make her leave when I did or come home with me, but I was unsuccessful. I will have to call her and see what's up. I guess I won't tag her in this note because she has kids and stuff. But fun! Yay, tonight was fun.

I missed my exercise today because of this cougar adventure. I guess I'll have to reschedule my hotness training. There is always tomorrow.

In other news, my Clarins Self Tanning Instant Gel came in the mail yesterday. I sure hope it is awesome. I will try it this weekend. Also, I met some people that seemed fascinated by the fact that I had a lung transplant. I will just chalk that up to ignorance. But, you know, I'm tired of warning the crap out of any guy that seems interested. He can just google it all.

Okay, my too many Guinness rant is over. I hope you enjoyed it!

Cougars are awesome and amusing. Hail to the ultimate cougar, Demi Moore! :)

Monday, February 23, 2009

Project Cruise Hotness, continued

In my sister's note about her hotness goal, someone said she's "trolling for hotness compliments." We (Beth and I) agree wholeheartedly. We are also, at least in my case, trolling for hotness advice.

For one thing, I don't think I can keep up this major hotness goal my whole life. It has already cost me a lot of time and money. I'm a fairly simple girl, style-wise. I no doubt would just blend right into the wall if I went home to Chicago, or to Florida, or the OC. So, hot for South Carolina, hot for 32, hot for a lung transplant recipient, just isn't going to cut it.

And yes, while I'd like to think my absolutely stunning personality (haha) is enough to radiate some hotness all on its own... Well, that is not the goal of this exercise.

So, progress: I completed all 40 minutes of my workout on my feet, and I don't feel like my legs are going to fall off. Yay! We'll see how that goes tomorrow when I pull myself up the stairs at work by the handrails.

Thanks to Jessica, I will be procuring some super-high wedge heels, and sarong over the weekend. Hotness! Keep the suggestions coming!

I believe that my face looks less like I've spent the last five years indoors. Though, the Jergens Natural Glow facial moisturizer doesn't give me freckles like real sun does.

Soon my 8.8 ounces of Clarins Self Tanning Instant Gel will be coming, and after reading every review I'm confident that will be nice. If I'm wrong, well, I can exfoliate like a mo-fo.

I believe that my waist is one inch smaller, but that might just be my imagination :)

Over the weekend I will try on all of my bathing suits and see if we need some adjustment there!

Cheers to the hotness!

Sunday, February 22, 2009

Project Cruise Hotness

Beth and I are going on a cruise in March. In three weeks and 5 days! Whoo hoo!

Major hotness must be achieved by this time.

Goal areas include:

Pale skin - DHA yay! (real tanning not allowed)

Waist thinness - my own secret methods will take care of this (more to come)

Hair color? Taking a poll on whether or not to put some blond highlights in my hair. Poll begins now.

More sleep - must go to bed now!

More water! we'll see how I do on this one.

Will post progress... goodnight

Sunday, February 15, 2009

Sunday Morning Ritual

Each Sunday morning I go to the Bi-Lo and buy a Sunday paper and a Mountain Dew. This is a very important part of my week. Today, as I entered the Bi-Lo, I was bombarded by an overzealous Post & Courier salesman. He must also want to be or maybe is a used car salesman any other day. No, I don't want a paper everyday. No, I don't want a paper Friday, Saturday, and Sunday. I only want a Sunday paper, and a Mountain Dew. I don't want to pay $11.70 per month. I don't want to talk to you at all, I just want to gather my Sunday paper and my Mountain Dew! Grrrr..

Saturday, February 14, 2009

Valentines Day Dinner

I took my Valentine's date, my dog Marble, through the Taco Bell drive through tonight. I didn't actually buy her anything. I know, I'm a crappy date. I hadn't actually contemplated how sad this situation was until something strange happened. The price of my order was less when I paid than had been quoted. So, I looked at my receipt, and there were two words I thought I'd never see. "Senior Discount"

I sat there and contemplated this while they prepared my order. Do I really look old enough to get a senior discount? Not likely, even today. Did the Taco Bell cashier feel sorry for me that I was driving through alone with my dog on Valentine's Day? Possibly. Maybe he was a joker? Maybe I was nice to the guy and he gave me the only discount they have there? Maybe that is how he tries to pick up chicks?

I don't know. What do you all think? Anyway, my follow up to my romantic at-home Taco Bell dinner will be a romantic movie. Hmmm... Boogie Nights might just be perfect.

Love You!

Saturday, January 24, 2009

Taking suggestions

I plan to start writing more versions of how I see the world on my facebook notes, but cannot narrow on a topic. It could be random I suppose, but then surely I will be all over the map. Here is a list of potential topics, and their potential downfalls.

Politics - I am sure to offend, and I mean seriously offend, some of my facebook friends with this one. That being said, I'm fairly sure it would be ongoing and fairly funny.

Work - Well, one downfall of this is that Dr. Raymond is my Facebook friend, and therefore may run into my attempt of humor. Also, there would surely be some ribbing on my more geeky work friend (you know who you are!)

Love life - a good topic indeed, when it's going on. At the moment, we have nil. And, I'm not currently willing to sacrifice on the dating front for the sake of comedy. (See my previous 30 dates in 30 days notes)

Geekdom - I actually have a Sims2 city based on Downers Grove with DG characters, and they do have some outrageous adventures. I've thought about writing them with some editorial comment. This has potential for being pretty funny, but also creepy.

Alright, let the ideas flow. I really need to write! And, make people laugh :P