So tonight, I went to Red Drum to experience Cougar Night. Now, apparently this is a secret, even though I was all on the radio and everything. It's totally Cougar night at Red Drum on Wednesday. I've always wanted to go. It's a social opportunity that is completely remarkable.
At first I was not impressed. I even asked the bartender, "Where are the cougars?" He acted like he didn't even know what I was talking about. Okay, a cougar fan.
But then, around 9, the cougars started arriving. By this time I was into maybe my 4th Guinness. Now, I don't think these were real pints. They maybe were 12 oz. Anyway, I saw the cougar in action. Now, I'm in a weird situation. I'm definitely too young to be a cougar. But, I'm too old to be like 20ish.
Let me describe the cougar. 40ish. Boobs out, all over the place boobs. Bleach blond hair. It reminded me why for two years I colored my hair red. Seriously, if you are going to dye your hair blond, put some cash into it. The bottle blond is so 80's. Blah. Anyway, suddenly I'm surrounded by bleach blond, old bimbos drinking wine or some other lame-o drink. And, of course, with the boobs all over. I am in my usual work outfit, dress pants and a conservative sweater, no makeup, no boobs. Many cougars start closing their tabs, clearly disappointed they had to pay for a couple of their own drinks. Ha ha. Suddenly I wish I could read the minds of people I didn't know very well. I think it would have been hilarious.
I meet a fireman or three, from IOP. I don't date fireman. Sorry, fire professional friends, but it's just a bad idea. Anyway, I gave one my number. I don't remember his name, but I put him in my blackberry as "Fireman I don't remember his name". He seemed nice enough. He thought I was hilarious. That's a good sign, because I have sort of a mean, strange sense of humor. Not to mention, the more Guinness I drink, the more inappropriate things I seem to say. Anyway, what I told him was, I would never call him. Maybe if we dated about three months I'd call him. I'm serious.
Well, let me get to the point. I think project cruise hotness is working, because even in my inebriated state, I could tell that I had way more assets than any cougar even with no makeup and no boobs showing. Yay!
My friend from work, Robyn, was my invitee to the Red Drum. I hope she has fun and also that she gets home alright. I tried to make her leave when I did or come home with me, but I was unsuccessful. I will have to call her and see what's up. I guess I won't tag her in this note because she has kids and stuff. But fun! Yay, tonight was fun.
I missed my exercise today because of this cougar adventure. I guess I'll have to reschedule my hotness training. There is always tomorrow.
In other news, my Clarins Self Tanning Instant Gel came in the mail yesterday. I sure hope it is awesome. I will try it this weekend. Also, I met some people that seemed fascinated by the fact that I had a lung transplant. I will just chalk that up to ignorance. But, you know, I'm tired of warning the crap out of any guy that seems interested. He can just google it all.
Okay, my too many Guinness rant is over. I hope you enjoyed it!
Cougars are awesome and amusing. Hail to the ultimate cougar, Demi Moore! :)