Wednesday, February 25, 2009

This is awesome, uh, hotness continued, sorta

So tonight, I went to Red Drum to experience Cougar Night. Now, apparently this is a secret, even though I was all on the radio and everything. It's totally Cougar night at Red Drum on Wednesday. I've always wanted to go. It's a social opportunity that is completely remarkable.

At first I was not impressed. I even asked the bartender, "Where are the cougars?" He acted like he didn't even know what I was talking about. Okay, a cougar fan.

But then, around 9, the cougars started arriving. By this time I was into maybe my 4th Guinness. Now, I don't think these were real pints. They maybe were 12 oz. Anyway, I saw the cougar in action. Now, I'm in a weird situation. I'm definitely too young to be a cougar. But, I'm too old to be like 20ish.

Let me describe the cougar. 40ish. Boobs out, all over the place boobs. Bleach blond hair. It reminded me why for two years I colored my hair red. Seriously, if you are going to dye your hair blond, put some cash into it. The bottle blond is so 80's. Blah. Anyway, suddenly I'm surrounded by bleach blond, old bimbos drinking wine or some other lame-o drink. And, of course, with the boobs all over. I am in my usual work outfit, dress pants and a conservative sweater, no makeup, no boobs. Many cougars start closing their tabs, clearly disappointed they had to pay for a couple of their own drinks. Ha ha. Suddenly I wish I could read the minds of people I didn't know very well. I think it would have been hilarious.

I meet a fireman or three, from IOP. I don't date fireman. Sorry, fire professional friends, but it's just a bad idea. Anyway, I gave one my number. I don't remember his name, but I put him in my blackberry as "Fireman I don't remember his name". He seemed nice enough. He thought I was hilarious. That's a good sign, because I have sort of a mean, strange sense of humor. Not to mention, the more Guinness I drink, the more inappropriate things I seem to say. Anyway, what I told him was, I would never call him. Maybe if we dated about three months I'd call him. I'm serious.

Well, let me get to the point. I think project cruise hotness is working, because even in my inebriated state, I could tell that I had way more assets than any cougar even with no makeup and no boobs showing. Yay!

My friend from work, Robyn, was my invitee to the Red Drum. I hope she has fun and also that she gets home alright. I tried to make her leave when I did or come home with me, but I was unsuccessful. I will have to call her and see what's up. I guess I won't tag her in this note because she has kids and stuff. But fun! Yay, tonight was fun.

I missed my exercise today because of this cougar adventure. I guess I'll have to reschedule my hotness training. There is always tomorrow.

In other news, my Clarins Self Tanning Instant Gel came in the mail yesterday. I sure hope it is awesome. I will try it this weekend. Also, I met some people that seemed fascinated by the fact that I had a lung transplant. I will just chalk that up to ignorance. But, you know, I'm tired of warning the crap out of any guy that seems interested. He can just google it all.

Okay, my too many Guinness rant is over. I hope you enjoyed it!

Cougars are awesome and amusing. Hail to the ultimate cougar, Demi Moore! :)

Monday, February 23, 2009

Project Cruise Hotness, continued

In my sister's note about her hotness goal, someone said she's "trolling for hotness compliments." We (Beth and I) agree wholeheartedly. We are also, at least in my case, trolling for hotness advice.

For one thing, I don't think I can keep up this major hotness goal my whole life. It has already cost me a lot of time and money. I'm a fairly simple girl, style-wise. I no doubt would just blend right into the wall if I went home to Chicago, or to Florida, or the OC. So, hot for South Carolina, hot for 32, hot for a lung transplant recipient, just isn't going to cut it.

And yes, while I'd like to think my absolutely stunning personality (haha) is enough to radiate some hotness all on its own... Well, that is not the goal of this exercise.

So, progress: I completed all 40 minutes of my workout on my feet, and I don't feel like my legs are going to fall off. Yay! We'll see how that goes tomorrow when I pull myself up the stairs at work by the handrails.

Thanks to Jessica, I will be procuring some super-high wedge heels, and sarong over the weekend. Hotness! Keep the suggestions coming!

I believe that my face looks less like I've spent the last five years indoors. Though, the Jergens Natural Glow facial moisturizer doesn't give me freckles like real sun does.

Soon my 8.8 ounces of Clarins Self Tanning Instant Gel will be coming, and after reading every review I'm confident that will be nice. If I'm wrong, well, I can exfoliate like a mo-fo.

I believe that my waist is one inch smaller, but that might just be my imagination :)

Over the weekend I will try on all of my bathing suits and see if we need some adjustment there!

Cheers to the hotness!

Sunday, February 22, 2009

Project Cruise Hotness

Beth and I are going on a cruise in March. In three weeks and 5 days! Whoo hoo!

Major hotness must be achieved by this time.

Goal areas include:

Pale skin - DHA yay! (real tanning not allowed)

Waist thinness - my own secret methods will take care of this (more to come)

Hair color? Taking a poll on whether or not to put some blond highlights in my hair. Poll begins now.

More sleep - must go to bed now!

More water! we'll see how I do on this one.

Will post progress... goodnight

Sunday, February 15, 2009

Sunday Morning Ritual

Each Sunday morning I go to the Bi-Lo and buy a Sunday paper and a Mountain Dew. This is a very important part of my week. Today, as I entered the Bi-Lo, I was bombarded by an overzealous Post & Courier salesman. He must also want to be or maybe is a used car salesman any other day. No, I don't want a paper everyday. No, I don't want a paper Friday, Saturday, and Sunday. I only want a Sunday paper, and a Mountain Dew. I don't want to pay $11.70 per month. I don't want to talk to you at all, I just want to gather my Sunday paper and my Mountain Dew! Grrrr..

Saturday, February 14, 2009

Valentines Day Dinner

I took my Valentine's date, my dog Marble, through the Taco Bell drive through tonight. I didn't actually buy her anything. I know, I'm a crappy date. I hadn't actually contemplated how sad this situation was until something strange happened. The price of my order was less when I paid than had been quoted. So, I looked at my receipt, and there were two words I thought I'd never see. "Senior Discount"

I sat there and contemplated this while they prepared my order. Do I really look old enough to get a senior discount? Not likely, even today. Did the Taco Bell cashier feel sorry for me that I was driving through alone with my dog on Valentine's Day? Possibly. Maybe he was a joker? Maybe I was nice to the guy and he gave me the only discount they have there? Maybe that is how he tries to pick up chicks?

I don't know. What do you all think? Anyway, my follow up to my romantic at-home Taco Bell dinner will be a romantic movie. Hmmm... Boogie Nights might just be perfect.

Love You!